Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
