I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
