She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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