Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
