you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
