I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
