I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
