So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
