If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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