What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
