Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
