I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
