Cold hands, warm shart.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
