I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
