ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
