I'm going to jail i love you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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