Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
