I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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