positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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