Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
