A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
