im having a threesome with these popsicles
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
