Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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