dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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