So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
