i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
