Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
