So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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