fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think my mom watched the whole time
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
