just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
