whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
