Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
