this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
