my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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