Already got asked if we're dating
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
