I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
