The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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