we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
