the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
