): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
