found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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