Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
