I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
