so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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