I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
