she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
