brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
