dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
