the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
