Please, let me fuck your mom
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
